G.I.R.L

girls are unpredictable...

but yet..

made myself clear..

i'm much better, if i'm a guy

i'd be more free, if i could let it go..

be myself, starts questioning 'who i am'

i'm a girl.. still, i am

free myself from any expectation

Lord oh Lord,

i see U but never understand U

likewise

i see the doubts but i questioned for those doubts

i'm a girl.. still, a girl..

she's gone, forever

another 3 hours break.. had my lunch, squatting on the toilet bowl, reading the book "who am i".. my mind was blank, out of sudden.. the last night, i breath in cold, shivered all over the night, cried until i fall sleep.. grey's, and qiao qiao's death~~ phewww.. i gained a lesson, through out the weekend..

there is somebody walks out from your life everyday.. with no signs and any symptoms showing that he/she is leaving.. appreciate the person and tell he/she that you love them.. they are your life.. did you say it?? ever before??

"to love each other even we hate each other, no running nobody walks out no matter what happen.. to take care of each other even when we old, smelly and senile.. and even when i get alzheimer and i forget you.. i will remind you, who i am, everyday.. this is forever..."

people see me as emo person, but i wana tell.. i'm just.. overwhelm=)

oxygen. breath. love

Manfye: oxygen is more important than love

Nat: oxygen doesnt works if you refuse to breath

OCC: both are equally important.........!!!

swt~~ kan i said, to live is to breath, yet you must initiate breathing then only oxygen wil goes in.. remember, you are breathing and stop breathing not necessary due to love too.. she said, people comitting suicide or put to sleep are because they dont feel the love exist in them.. i said, i can kil myself because i have no money i'm starving else im suffering from chronic disease too.. i end my life not because of im not getting love, there are millions of reason i can stop my heart from beating.. NOT LOVE.. she replied, i love money tats why i need it, noone loves the ill me thus i kill myself.. in short, LOVE MADE LIFE... LOLZ~ as what i know, making love makes babies.. generation and population.. haha.. alritez, they will judge everything.. i'm not threatening you since you born to be bond with ton of LOVES, kan?? fine.. stand out and support me please.. do confront this girl!!! she is OCC aka bloody sleepy bitch=)

how i wonder what you are

i pray for rainbow after rain..

the sky is dull
God please sweep away the clouds
human needs moonlight to torch the path
in darkness..
and stars which hanging up high in the sky
twinkle twinkle bright

i gazed over the night
and yet...
the moon is missing

i blame myself for the stupidity
gomenasai~~

you owed me a song!!!

you are special to me, because.......=)

thanks for coming back to me.. time really flies.. we used to talk about graduation, work, studies, future. even gossiping.. now is time for you to leave me, everyone and everything... you taught me a lot, seriously a lot in 3 years.. the way you handle activities, attitudes when be with others, when Dr.Raj leaving, or your curriculum, perceptions towards life.. haha.. the theory of "life".. funny yet is true!!

as time clicking towards the end,hardly for me to recall back what we had in 3 years.. i tried to keep those memories, stuffed in my forgetful brain, thanks God little is surviving still.. hmmph.. thousand of words i wish to say, but i conclude it fast since is a opened blog=) you could blame me where i chuck the previous one, frankly i deleted it, few weeks back~~

"butterflies dunno what colour of their flying wings are, but human eyes know how nice it is.. likewise you dunno how nice you are, but i know how special you are to me..!!"

please never bother how people look at you, it was merely a mistake (shit, it wasn't) since i stepped in AIMST in the first year... i'm not gonna say sorry to you, because.. i'm forgiven=) we shall meet each other still, if we've got the chance>< adios to the one, you know who you are~~

一塌糊涂

婕郭，蜗救邪乐意便，韧不香轫，龟不象诡的卟裸个。。水栋的涡灾烁深么，呐韧雄柯伊昨县了。。
哈哈！！

涡岛菂窅地饣鲹么？？前朔，囡嘚油彝葛藤匿嘚轫，揪簿窑匚起趿。。嗑屎汝椁塌簿市涡窈赵德纳伊格荏，仔谮杨斗昊，沃钭醭会给趿败粉饰白得隘。。方爻斡筷殿赵毅格藤涡底轫，龌恨相怼匿朔，沓狠腾沃，颗驶嚄闷病布缋由阶过。。挝盗敌尤南么乂趿马？？

写完了。。=）很高兴！！ Mac, chean, ice你们听得懂我在写啥吗？？

2 weeks more~~

finally~ all setting down within a week... pham analysis assignment + applies therapeutics assignment & case studies + research presentation...!!! heading to next week i have pham analysis viva and hp viva.. hours left are just ngam ngam for me to study~~ buck up buck up natasha!!! frankly, we play too much in this semester.. hectic though but is the most enjoyful semester i ever had..!! badminton competition, food fiesta, car wash, mid term exam, food fiesta, practice for sketch and dance, PHAM NITEZ - Evening of A Thousand Memories on 20th June2009 ..!!! the most successful event organized by phamsa, leaded by our batch ppl.. we were just cracked to the maximum on the night itself..!! one semester gone, without realizing the time passing fast... 29 days as stated in her msn.. Adios~~

2 weeks more for finalzz.. staring at the stacks of notez which will never be my motivation to study, instead of Zzzzz.... the new lecturers crapped alot in their notez.. for hosp pham, we have Nazer Ali; analysis, Dr. Ravinchandran; thank GOD for applied.. we have a lovely+dedicated lecturer-Mr.Sam!!! eventhough his notez are compact, but still we love to attend his class.. why why why? ahemm.. he is the bachelor in faculty of pharmacy..!! haha... christopher? haiya... who cares=) will never imagine how's finals paper looks like this time.. it's ok.. it's ok.. enjoy to the fullest and leave no regrets...!! LOLxx

meanwhile, i hope my decision was right this time=) he said, i think alot.. yea, i do.. and you too=) for our future wise, we need to, kan?? dunno dunno~~ this is what i always tell you, i have no idea for those happening around but i shall keep the faith & trust on you=) work it out my bds.. miss yea!!!

weekend again~

again, another busy week~ time passes fast, at times.. though i slept around 3 last night, but still i managed to get up at 8 in the morning=) was chatting with chia jin @ the playground last night (whoopsss... affair.. haha), thank God we are still close as before...!! nothing can take away this best buddy from my life, i wana declare.. HE IS MINE TOO..!! LOLxx

it's Friday..!!! gonna pack my stuff, bath and heading back home in an hour time.. as usual, skip classes again.. my attendance are bad, who cares=p finally finished the lab portion for our research, frankly i just hate being under the psycho Naeem, he basically know nothing..!! initially he crapped for the antibacterial test, but when came to practical that time, he went missing, leave us message "sorry i have no idea how to do it"..!!! wtf.. we manipulated the results, had no more time to play with him lar.. pham nite coming following week, practical exam, viva, final exams.. sigh~~ those things will never end..

for my BDS: i'm touched while reading your message last night.. i never confuse myself since the day i put my trust on you *sweet* i've found you, in a correct way~~ my bds, come back fast and bless you all the time..!! miss you lotsa lotsa lotsa=)

for mia housemates: i will get his phone and date him out=) LOLx.. thanks for everything..!! aheemm, im gonna kill raymond foo...!!

little gal's wishes

as a kid, i will never understand, the mama's feeling, of security and trustworthy~~ i had the idea of carry on my plan without thier knowing.. but still my mind and my sayang>.< told me not to do so, i wanted be a gud gud gal and gud daughter, i wont hurt them as i loved them and they loved me too!!! but.. but.. their call, make me feel like, giving up everything...!! fine, i'm not the perfect one still, in their eyes i'm always a little girl who's being rebellious, and stubborn~~ aiksss... I"M NOT!!! ghhhrrr...

meanwhile, i doubted, was she telling the truth? who am i to question you and clarify that? nope, i'm not gonna mess up things.. currently, i'm glad to have you, my family and frens around... you all are gifted by God and nth gonna take you guys away from me~~

perhaps you understand that, i'm making move to take you back, becuase in my heart it says that, i rather give up the world than losing you~~

oh my god, what the hell i want?

happy mother's day

yeahh~~ im still in time.. lets' wish all the mama around the world........

= HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY =

truely from all the guai guai kidos around the world.. haha

text my mum a message this morning, after so much complication both us had for the KL journey :'( sorry for that~~ i'm sure that will be her greatest+sweetest than sodium saccharin+warmest message she ever received.. which impressed her, melted her heart and the soul (perasannya.. kekezzz).. readers, interested keh?? okok.. wait patiently... is cuming right after this... about... once upon a time, there is a lil girl... natasha.. very sayang her mother.. brruuupp~ I'M NOT GONNA SHARE this in my blog~~ though blog is for sharing or daily thoughts, yet peithing will laugh at me de.. hehe..

Chang PeiThing~ "wondering how long will u be around?"

yet he answered " long long long time"

so sweet both you~~ kan i said, ur future hometown in kuantan, not NT.. =p anyway, i dun wish to married to there as well.. so ULU the place.. haha.. he's gonna kill me if he happened to read this~~ alritez, watch this! another great mama~~

08/05/09

To-Do List
* applied assignment (handwritten)
* pharmacology assignment
* hospital pharmacy assignment (handwritten).. swt
* print out notez for applied
* study study for applied midterm!!!
* research~research~ (sigh)
* final report for research
* kl
* penang~ for my dear and dearest

my list to be clear within the one week break.. pending NO MORE lazy bump!!! was so undecided for the schedule arrangement.. home? mother's day? research? assignemnt? kl? thank God you make me worriezz no more=) thanks for the time, company, which buZz off my guilt and my homesickkssss=p though is superb short but sweet.. haha.. gotta rearrange back my fuss.. i'm heading to kl 2mr, will come back asap for my research (ghhhrrr, i wont give up still).. meanwhile, HAVE TO wallop both applied and pharmacology assignment by today~~ God, kill me instead.. aiksss.. sap sap sui la...!!

3. three. tiga

i couldn't pull myself out from it..!! i have been observing for a quite long time.. you are good, in a certain way.. but not all.. "noone knows his/her true colour, they might be a bitch.. and never trust anyone besides you" perhaps you changed, and choosen to stay up with her happily.. but, still i can't accept the truth.. i was all the while seeking for an answer, to put myself in a better situation or to support you.. and yet, i failed.. again, i have to face it today.. her words put me in dilemma.. nope, shall i say she conclude everything? the overall happening? gosh.. what should i do now??

i'm happy when togetherx2 with you.. though i had cockroach crawling on my face, and a dead body besides.. LOL.. i always say i will never trust you, but actually i do=) tats why kena tipu again and again..!!! when tian chen and shi zi meets, i ask for nothing, but hapiness, and simple life..=p

and lastly is for you.. carry on with your life, i can read your mind by a single test.. tsktsk.. is good to have her besides, and never let go anyone in your life(exclude me larr).. i know you understand her better, but to remind you as well, girls understand each other most of the time.. ask from her what you want..!! she is not that stubborn.. she has the faith on you, just that she doesn't has the confident in herself.. convince her, and grasp her with whatever you can!!! k?

i shouldn't talk.. so much

i read friendster horoscope, and i trusted it well.. march 24, 2009 it says: "do what you want today, keep your head down, and don't get caught up in looking at the clock, it might distracting"

i smiled, after weeks back.. finally, i know what i want, and what can actually flash out my teeth around, to everyone.. people will sick sometimes, i recovered, not only from the sickness, but from the whole journey i am undertaking right now..

.

life, isn't a waste.. i might forget what's happening before, but recently i used to recall everything back.. i've told someone, i'm not having memories during childhood, in nursery, primary school, and secondary school.. it's not a big deal, i dun have a big brain capacity to stuff in all these.. but worst thing was, hardly for me to recall back what i have done in first year of b.pharm, second year.. and when it laggggggg into 3rd year.. gosh.. what is my big brain for? is nuisance, everynight before went bed, i tried to recall.. from first year.. who sat besides me.. lecturers and subjects.. where we lepak in 1st year, frens, fight, etc etc. to second, and third year.. lil i can think of, but not all..

.

memories, are worth keeping.. i'll trace back, lil by lil.. promise:@ life.. is worth to live.. i'm here, for three years.. for? a degree? a cert? i am seeking breakthrough in my life, which apparently fall into kosong. ko-song!!! i read nothing, i am doin nothing and i had nothing.. i feel so sick of it... i wanted more... moree... moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

you can read me as a emo person now.. yes, i am.. rite now!! i dun wish for a safe, mild pass time.. i wanted big, bold one..!! do something, at least for family or society.. i would not picking up fren's category if i wanted to involve something great with, they are all selfish!! haha.. some la=) you the one reading is not.. LOLzzz.. you will get tired, after being so well.. all the time.. and rite now i am sick,.. dude, i agreed with you.. i'm telling all these not because i get trapped by someone, just.. i see through all... HAHAHA......

.

weird theory, brought maturity and stupidity towards myself.. sorry if i hurt you, yu fei in kl=p

.

clock, represents karma..

.

if life can be anti-clockwise.. what will happen?

.

and belongings.. which we are searching for..

.

silly thought.

the outing.icecream.hazelnut coffee.the last ferry to be catch.penang view.windy.comforting.the talk.sharing.time.and.you.!!

i've been thinking, for days.. meditating though=) i think alot, seriously thousands of thought, which possibly be, or not to.. i'm getting lost, from sumwhr to nowhere.. im hiding myself, likewise what you doing rite now.. say it loud that you need me when u are in critical moment, not with words or lie that you need to be alone.. i promised before, you make me feeling guilt and uselesss, helpless... how many time i disappoint you? i do not know.. i will confront you, when it's the right timing.. i am a shelter for you, am i? my dear? DO ACCEPT ME..!! haha..

confession needs tons of gut.. i'm not having, even for mili, or micrograms.. i needed wish, or maybe a tight slap to make me awake.. reality and life, is bloody hell.. i will keep on meditating, though i might get the chance to be possessed, if it was not in a right way=) sumhow, most of the time will ended up in tight sweet dreams.. >< there is no solution for everything, rite now.. and what the hell i wanted so far? is not me myself, demon manipulating my soul.. hate that..!! for you, a week more.. for you, 4months still.. for you, one and half year.. and for you, might be life long.. think of it, circumstances get worsen, and out of control.. it could ruin my life, and yours..

and for you, it seems to be real, and unreal.. i'm sorry laundryman smppl..

bon voyage..!! sobsobs...

from left: manyee, yeeny, mitzi, jane, bie, and fang

6 of us again=) from japanese food to mamak stall, high fashion to cheapie stock, red-box to clubss, McD and relau, tanglung night to nation anthem, sun glasses blind people, sunrise and sunset, gossiping to trustworthy, being loved and being hurt, tarot cards and love stories, fight for friends and survive with em', drink until drunk and vomitted from 5th floor, speed like hell and car racing, make up and fashion show etc etc.. we all are grown up, no longer the naive kidos whom shed the tears when facing problems.. we are walking to a mature path, with own-thinking and perspective... live on our own, busy with our own stuff and being separated far away.. somehow, we are still connected to each=) as what i mentioned before, the bond between us, are meant to be XDXD

take care yee and jane who's leaving on coming friday.. a gathering and a chance to see each once in a year makes me appreciate this =( bon voyage.... *sniffsniff*

FOREVER BEST FRIEND.. we will be=)

get rid

typically LibRa

i'm looking forward a moment of serenity

&

an equilibrium in my life

qe next!!!

whooppsss.... i miss it!!! guy strip!! jimmy jimmy..!! you should have tell me earlier~~~ haha...

well, msg before i chao=) my exam is over... and im free free free free superb duper freeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

* pei pei and mitzi, i TRY MY BEST for 31st outing
* meii, i perfer to come and meet up you guys on 31st as well, one sort for the gathering..! miss 3 of u!!!!!
* dear in penang, seems lost hu? anyway, take care, im rite here=)
* dear currently working in SONY!! xxxx u when i meet u up.. kekezzz
* dear heading TAO cuisine, i prefer sunset... LOL
* 417 dear... lunch lunch lunch!!! muz be sleeping like PIG!!
* ice-si.. ur hubby is back..! swt~~
* all my batchmates, happy holiday...
* a...st..!! i cant believe it still.. how? i wan know moreeee.....

how to save a life?

.

oh yea.. coffee bean's muffin is nice!!!! hehe..

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

IN ADVANCE=)

碳火车

对不起, 我还是不能坚守着对你的承诺..

十个, 我毁了九个.. 最最最坚持到底的第十个,也凭空消失而去了.. 第三十五天, 我呆了三十五日!!! 圣诞节的我, 并不快乐.. 烟, 叼在嘴里, 离我而去的, 是无发自拔的迷惑, 自我.. 一口又一口, 一根接一根.. 迷失, 祸根, 泪水, 和你的背影..

我, 不再是我自己..两年前的我, 和现在的她.. 天与地!!

简单的道理, 我明白.. 徘徊在现实与过去, 我仍然抽不了身.. 你, 给我很大的启发.. 和压力.. 朵朵花语, 很赞!! 也很废... 我断定我的人身, 是与否.. 掌握, 操纵, 及否决.. 我清楚要的需是什么, 只是, 我并不是个伟人, 没能放纵的去舍取.. 你, 焉然懂得,明了...

别, 再说话..
别, 再哭泣..

舍不得, 舍得不, 不舍得..

是与否, 两线之差
爱与恨, 一线之差

我不恨, 只是... 开始讨厌, 香烟的味道.. 寂寞的音符.. 和, 那两道彩虹!!!

one in million

how meaningful is it?

it's special likewise you are special to me=)

you are my only one

shall we dancE? =p