i shouldn't talk.. so much

i read friendster horoscope, and i trusted it well.. march 24, 2009 it says: "do what you want today, keep your head down, and don't get caught up in looking at the clock, it might distracting"

i smiled, after weeks back.. finally, i know what i want, and what can actually flash out my teeth around, to everyone.. people will sick sometimes, i recovered, not only from the sickness, but from the whole journey i am undertaking right now..

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life, isn't a waste.. i might forget what's happening before, but recently i used to recall everything back.. i've told someone, i'm not having memories during childhood, in nursery, primary school, and secondary school.. it's not a big deal, i dun have a big brain capacity to stuff in all these.. but worst thing was, hardly for me to recall back what i have done in first year of b.pharm, second year.. and when it laggggggg into 3rd year.. gosh.. what is my big brain for? is nuisance, everynight before went bed, i tried to recall.. from first year.. who sat besides me.. lecturers and subjects.. where we lepak in 1st year, frens, fight, etc etc. to second, and third year.. lil i can think of, but not all..

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memories, are worth keeping.. i'll trace back, lil by lil.. promise:@ life.. is worth to live.. i'm here, for three years.. for? a degree? a cert? i am seeking breakthrough in my life, which apparently fall into kosong. ko-song!!! i read nothing, i am doin nothing and i had nothing.. i feel so sick of it... i wanted more... moree... moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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you can read me as a emo person now.. yes, i am.. rite now!! i dun wish for a safe, mild pass time.. i wanted big, bold one..!! do something, at least for family or society.. i would not picking up fren's category if i wanted to involve something great with, they are all selfish!! haha.. some la=) you the one reading is not.. LOLzzz.. you will get tired, after being so well.. all the time.. and rite now i am sick,.. dude, i agreed with you.. i'm telling all these not because i get trapped by someone, just.. i see through all... HAHAHA......

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weird theory, brought maturity and stupidity towards myself.. sorry if i hurt you, yu fei in kl=p

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clock, represents karma..

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if life can be anti-clockwise.. what will happen?

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and belongings.. which we are searching for..

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叶子.树.风

我很喜歡其中一句話：「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」 倘若你愛上一個人，千萬別裝作無所謂毫不在乎，愛情，玩不起心理戰呀！ 趕快跟你的他表白吧 。樹 會叫樹的原因，是因為我擅長畫水彩畫，最愛畫樹，久而久之，我的畫作右下方索性以一棵樹來代表我。 高中三年交過五個女朋友，有一個女孩子，我很愛她，卻遲遲不敢追，她沒有美麗的面孔，沒有姣好的身材，沒有撩人的魅力，一個再平凡不過的女孩子。我喜歡她，真的真的很喜歡她，喜歡她的單純，她的直率，她的可愛，她的智障，她的脆弱。 不追她的原因，也許是潛意識覺得平凡如她配不上我；也許是因為怕在一起後，一切的好感都會消失；也許是怕外人的指指點點傷害了她；也許是覺得，她會是我的，不用急著為了她而放棄一切。 最後這個原因，讓她陪了我三年，讓她看著我和別的女孩子廝混了三年，讓她心痛了三年。 她很想當一個好演員，但我卻像一個嚴苛的導演。我和第二個女朋友在廁所接吻，被她撞見。她尷尬的笑笑說：「Go ~ on！」然後跑掉，第二天，她眼睛腫得像核桃一樣，我故意不去猜想是誰讓她哭成這樣，嘲笑了她一天，她在所有人都回家後，在教室哭了起來。她不知道練球回來拿東西的我，看了她一個多小時。 我的第四個女朋友，一直很不喜歡她，有次她們兩個吵了起來，我知道依她的個性不會去惹事。但我還是護著女朋友，她被我吼了一下後，愣住，眼淚滑了下來，我無視她的眼淚，陪女友走出教室，第二天。她依舊嘻嘻哈哈的和我開玩笑，我知道她很難過，但她不會知道我的心不比她好受。 當我和第五個女朋友分手時，我約她出去玩，玩了一天，我對她說：「我有事要對妳說。」她說：「真巧，我也有事要對你說。」「我和她分手了。」「我和他在一起了。」我知道「他」是誰。他追她也有一陣子了，是個蠻可愛的男孩子，活潑有趣，充滿了熱情，追她追得滿城風雨。我不能表現自己的心痛，只能笑笑地恭喜她，但當我回到家，心中的痛楚強烈得令我無法承受，像有個千斤重的石頭壓在我胸口，我無法呼吸，想大叫卻叫不出來，眼淚竟然滑了下來，我掩面大哭，多少次，我也看著她為了那個不願承認的人掩面大哭。畢業典禮時，我在手機上發現了一封簡訊，這是十天前，我掩面大哭時傳來的，只是我一直沒有去開過機。 「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」

葉子 高中時，喜歡蒐集葉子，why？因為我覺得，一片葉子要離開它長期依賴的樹，好勇敢哩！ 高中三年，我和一個男孩子很好，不算男女朋友那種好，是好朋友那種好，但是，在他交第一個女朋友時，我學會了一種不該有的感覺，吃醋，心中的酸，不是一顆檸檬可以比喻，那就像是100顆臭酸的檸檬，酸到不行，他們只在一起兩個月，當他們分手，我還得掩飾自己心中強烈的喜悅，但是一個月後，他和另一個女孩子在一起。 我喜歡他，也知道他喜歡我，可是，他為什麼總是不追我呢？明明喜歡彼此，為什麼不行動？每當他交一個女朋友，我就心痛一次，一次又一次的打擊，讓我不禁懷疑，是我一廂情願嗎？不愛我，為什麼要對我那麼好？他對我的好，已經不是普通朋友可以做到。喜歡一個人，好難過。我可以清楚的知道他的喜好，他的習慣，唯獨他對我的感覺，我猜不透，難道要我這個女孩子去開口嗎？ 儘管如此，我還是想在他身邊，關心他，陪他，愛他，也許算是一種等待的行為，等待他回來愛我。就像每天晚上等他的電話，等他的簡訊，我知道，就算他再忙，也會撥出一些時間給我。這樣的等待，陪了我三年，等待是難熬的，是令人想放棄的，但等到的那一剎那，讓人第二天會繼續等下去。這樣的煎熬，這樣的痛苦，這樣的幸福，這樣的矛盾，陪了我三年。直到三年級下學期，高二一個學弟喜歡上我，每天的熱情追求，令我從一開始的拒絕。漸漸願意挪出我心房的一些位置給他。他像一陣溫柔而持久的風，撩撥我這片搖搖欲墜的葉子，到最後，我發現我已經不想只留一點點的位置給這陣風，我知道這陣風，會帶我這片傷痕累累的葉子，到更幸福的地方。於是我離開了樹，樹只是笑笑，沒有挽留。 「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」

風 因為我喜歡的女孩子叫葉子，因為她有一棵令她依戀的樹，所以我要當一陣風，一陣呵護她的風。 第一次看見她，是高二我轉來一個月後的事，個子小小的她坐在球場旁，一雙眼凝視著同和我在球場的學長。每天的社團時間，她總會坐在那裡，一個人，和朋友，她的眼光依舊凝視著他，當他和女孩子打打鬧鬧，她的眼中有淚。當他看向她，她的眼中有笑。看她成了我的習慣，就像她愛看他。 有一天她沒來，我心中沒來由的焦慮與不安，我無法解釋那種感覺，除了不安，還是不安，而且那學長竟然也不在。我衝去他們教室，躲在外面，看著學長罵她，她的眼淚，他的離去。 第二天，她依舊坐在場邊，看著他，我走過去，對她笑一笑，拿了張紙條給她，她先是驚訝的看著我，然後笑笑地收下。 隔天，她拿著紙條出現在我面前，然後離開。 「葉子的心太沉重，風吹不動。」 「不是葉子的心太沉重，是葉子根本就不想離開樹。」 我回給她這段話後，她漸漸會和我說話，收我的禮物，接我的電話。 我知道她喜歡的不是我，但我還是有毅力一定要讓她喜歡上我，四個月內我告白了不下20次，每一次她都轉移話題。但我還是不會放棄，我決定要的人，我就一定會給它追過來！ 一直到不知道第幾次的告白，出了口，雖然知道她一定會又說到別的事，但還是有一絲絲希望她的答應，沒想到她都不說話。「妳在幹嘛？怎麼不說話？」我對著話筒說。 「我在點頭。」 「啊？」我不敢相信自己的耳朵。 「我在點頭！」她大聲叫。 我甩掉電話，匆匆披上一件衣服，上了機車，衝去她們家按門鈴，當她開門的那一剎那，緊緊抱住她。 「葉子的離開，是因為風的追求，還是樹的不挽留。」

last but not least...=)

final week in warehouse, nothing else, daily routine likely consignment notes, invoices, orders, packing, strapping, etc etc.. is the funniest department, where joys and laughters can always be listened.. the manager is a chinese guy, friendly enuf to get bullied by almost ALL of US=) 2mr is the last day, when cf asked whether do i feel 'keberatan' to left the company or people there, or when others asking whom i loves/hates in this company.. i'm just... :@

a snapshot of warehouse...

people to be dispatched=)

sir, chiu mey is on phone during working hours!!!!

illegally shred company's labels when the MD went outstation..!! tsu yin, sudah kena tangkap!!!!

looking for the best place to Zzzzz... he is skinny enuf to fit in between the racks

actually...

we did help out there..

and.. we all get tired...

i love sunrise.. esp..

silly thought.

the outing.icecream.hazelnut coffee.the last ferry to be catch.penang view.windy.comforting.the talk.sharing.time.and.you.!!

i've been thinking, for days.. meditating though=) i think alot, seriously thousands of thought, which possibly be, or not to.. i'm getting lost, from sumwhr to nowhere.. im hiding myself, likewise what you doing rite now.. say it loud that you need me when u are in critical moment, not with words or lie that you need to be alone.. i promised before, you make me feeling guilt and uselesss, helpless... how many time i disappoint you? i do not know.. i will confront you, when it's the right timing.. i am a shelter for you, am i? my dear? DO ACCEPT ME..!! haha..

confession needs tons of gut.. i'm not having, even for mili, or micrograms.. i needed wish, or maybe a tight slap to make me awake.. reality and life, is bloody hell.. i will keep on meditating, though i might get the chance to be possessed, if it was not in a right way=) sumhow, most of the time will ended up in tight sweet dreams.. >< there is no solution for everything, rite now.. and what the hell i wanted so far? is not me myself, demon manipulating my soul.. hate that..!! for you, a week more.. for you, 4months still.. for you, one and half year.. and for you, might be life long.. think of it, circumstances get worsen, and out of control.. it could ruin my life, and yours..

and for you, it seems to be real, and unreal.. i'm sorry laundryman smppl..

training part 4

maintenance week!!! i'm out from production plant, but wish to get back there=) with fully air-conditioner, which under 25 degree celcius, no hot air and shielded from sunlight... sniffsniff~~

what maintenance people do? REPAIR MACHINE LARRRR...... change the light bulb, roboh the machine and repair, pipping for upcoming product.. all we concerned and seen were likely.. grease, gloves with black oil, dirt and dust, etc etc oh yea, and THEY (the akka, technicians, MAYSHA AND KP) bully a girl named NATASHA!!!!!!! bully me to the maxxxxxx...!!! first time kena so teruk in my life, rather keeping quiet, the more i say, the more i will kena from them.. so-called lovely housemate and classmates... my luck to be with them in coming two weeks, bless me:@) is ur show after that, maysha... haha..

what pharmacy people do in maintenance? well.. chit-chatting, gossiping, BULLY ME, playing and fooling around, magazine, and ipod for movie=) i love twiligh... thx tsu yin for the ipod, it killed my boredom=)

sunshine to brighten up ur day, dreaming in the whole morning, thinking of youuuuuu~~~ my first regrets in 2009, is losing you.. by my sides, support me, likewise you did last time.. you never missing from MY LIFE though, thought i moved on, but.. a promise, and a faith on you, myself, and past, future...!! the bond between us, hold it tightly, can? never ever start a fight, can?

part of maintenance department

rose planted by kesaven behind maintenance, it will survive and blossom in a day, trust me..! haha

our working place, small place but can fit in 10 people +

part of equipments and tools

wish to have a wedding nearby beach? check out this http://www.avillionportdickson.com/

read this is mag, is all about wedding mag, attire, deco, gift, etc=)

i told them that i need to isolate myself for 30min after read that...to.... to.....to design on my own wedding gaun!! haha..

enjoy the day! nitezzz!!!